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I will admit, some of that pride went out the window when I spoke with Cary Deuber. Her genuine concern at that moment really broke down some walls for me. It is a little humiliating to have to admit to others and myself that I haven’t always made wise choices in my spending. Everyone knows that hindsight is 20/20, but it’s still difficult not to look back and beat myself up when I think of what I COULD HAVE DONE to prepare for this. The saying “You can’t teach an old dog, new tricks” has some truth to it, and having to teach myself new spending habits at 49 years old is not going to be easy, but I have confidence in myself and I am a smart woman with a good business sense that I learned from watching both of my parents. I want to thank Cary for being so authentic with me that day. I needed a friend to tell me it was going to be okay, and she was that person for me when the one person I usually relied on was spreading rumors about something very personal in my life.
The fact that my best friend would spread a rumor that I only have $200 in my bank account is not only hurtful but also kind of funny. When someone has an insecurity, they will sometimes find that same weakness, even if temporary, in another person and focus on that. LeeAnne Locken uses that little trick quite often, but I never thought I would be on the receiving end. As Brandi said, she preys on other people’s weaknesses and strikes when they are down.
I knew I would end up confronting her head on at the smash party. As our instructor warned, the anger is bound to come out when you’re in a room smashing plates. Watching myself break down in front of the group was slightly embarrassing, as I have the Kim K "ugly cry" on lock, but it felt good to be that vulnerable. In the past, I have been so concerned with everyone else’s problems and helping them solve them, I forgot to focus on my own. My friends wrapping their arms around me, assuring me that none of them care if I come out of this as CEO, or if I don’t end up with two pennies to rub together was exactly what I needed to hear.
As for LeeAnne’s apology, I am very disappointed in her, to say the least. I really thought I would get more of a sincere apology, but it was all BULL. Hearing that someone who you have always counted on is talking about you and your problems behind your back is hurtful (pay attention to this sentence carefully as you will understand and appreciate it and me later). Listening to LeeAnne try to mask her manipulation and deceit as concern is just annoying. She was trying to enlist Cary to problem solve? Remember, Cary was her ARCH ENEMY last year!! That makes absolutely NO sense. What were they going to do, make a GoFundMe page? It was GOSSIP, plain and simple. Cary knew it, the rest of the group knew it, and walking away that day, I knew it, too. I forgave her because we have a long history together and in the past, I have always advocated for second chances.
I guess you will have to tune in next week to see how many more chances I am willing to give.
Love,
